Not feeling particularly well one afternoon, I started to plan my funeral. I googled and found the one-eyed undertaker who invited me over for a chat. I entered the dark alley and rang the bell next to the sign 'Siegfried Schulz – Undertaker'. As I waited I read the other signs with such cryptic names as: MFA – Money For All, DLC – Dirty Laundry Cleaned and TAM2M – Take A Message to Mary. The last one was FNO-ETA, without further indication of what the letters stood for. There were obviously a few more businesses behind this door. A man who thought he was a giant, but wasn't, opened the door, looked left and right before he let me in.
“The boss is in the back,” he whispered, “follow me.” The tiny man led me through a maze of rooms and corridors until we reached a rather large chamber without any windows. A dusty chandelier with only a few working light bulbs. In a corner surrounded by two dozen caskets sat the boss, stroking a dachshund in his lap. The one thing that surprised me was the clarity of the man's one blue eye, while the other was so dark and dead. The tiny man bowed deep, indicating I should do the same. I refused. The boss smiled.
“Do you want to make a deal?” he asked. “Would you like to make a few pfennig?”
The one-eyed undertaker, I suddenly realized, was of German descent.
“Who wouldn't?,” I replied.
“You would have to start at the bottom,' warned Schulz.
“I'll start you of as a courier for FNO-ETA.”
“ What does it mean?” I asked, “FNO-ETA?”
“Fear No One – Except Tony Attwood”
“Who the fuck is Tony Attwood?”
"You'll find out.”
“You won't be disappointed,” I promised him.
“Of course I won't be disappointed,” Schulz snarled, “you wouldn't survive.”
I felt shivers running up and down my spine when I noticed Schulz could simultaneously smile and snarl and at the same time blink his one clear blue eye faster than the wings of a hummingbird.
“Go see Giant in the next room. He'll tell you what to do.”
And thus I was dismissed and forced into a life of continual crime.